Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on

Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the

afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an

agreement.



The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of

virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 20%

from 72 to only 60 on May 1st. The rationale for the cut was the increase

in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent

shortage of virgins in the afterlife.





The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational

Martyrs (or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to

its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary

Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working

themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return

but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".





Speaking from his shed in Broxburn, West Lothian , where he currently

resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We

sympathise with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a

position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the

realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to

Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the

afterlife. For me it's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and

laying people off. I don't like cutting incentives but I'd hate to have to

tell some 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."





Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to

the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that

Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to

paradise.

That should cut the numbers of suicide bombers way back.