FHSU Students' Humorous Creativity

This is just one part of a very funny article about Valentine's Day in last Thursday's University Leader.

Josh Dreiling
Nothing says love like unrelenting pursuit.

I’ve never had a bad Valentine’s Day. Probably because I’ve never had a steady girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

That’s why I believe that the ideal V-J Day – or, Valentines for Josh Day – involves the vigorous search for the potential love of my life. Every year, I scroll through females’ phone numbers acquired over the last 364 days. I ensure that my “candidate” is my friend on Facebook, and over a scone and latte, I scroll through every single picture of the “prospects” in question. No breakfast in bed from a girlfriend on my Valentine’s Day morning; I’m on a quest.

After I’ve made my “selection,” I begin the process of initiating contact. Later that evening, I use illegal global-positioning software to triangulate the position of my “ideal choice,” utilizing her cell phone and some easily obtained personal information. You should never wait for her to come to you.

After I’ve found my “mark” in a bar, bowling alley, crab shack, ski lodge or VFW, I wait cunningly in a corner. I’ve started wearing large hats to hide my face, because the new Kansas smoking laws have made it difficult to keep my physical form hidden in an odorous haze.

Observing my “target” from afar, I begin texting. I start with an “I see you, [name]” to get the sparks flying. If she doesn’t answer in 14 seconds, I text, for example, “Turn 40 degrees to your right, [name].” I become increasingly relentless, making it obvious early that I will not back down. If I have no response in five seconds, I follow with, “Why won’t you look at me, [name]?”

When, inevitably, the texting doesn’t work, I approach my “victim” armed with a low-grade tranquilizer used primarily for subduing wolverines – oh, I seem to have reached my word limit. I suppose you can fill in the blanks from there.

What Is Love?

Instead, he got your chocolates from Walmart. Just think of all the 12-year-old girls who got that same box of chocolates.

The Other One wrote:

This is just one part of a very funny article about Valentine's Day in last Thursday's University Leader.

Josh Dreiling
Nothing says love like unrelenting pursuit.

I’ve never had a bad Valentine’s Day. Probably because I’ve never had a steady girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

That’s why I believe that the ideal V-J Day – or, Valentines for Josh Day – involves the vigorous search for the potential love of my life. Every year, I scroll through females’ phone numbers acquired over the last 364 days. I ensure that my “candidate” is my friend on Facebook, and over a scone and latte, I scroll through every single picture of the “prospects” in question. No breakfast in bed from a girlfriend on my Valentine’s Day morning; I’m on a quest.

After I’ve made my “selection,” I begin the process of initiating contact. Later that evening, I use illegal global-positioning software to triangulate the position of my “ideal choice,” utilizing her cell phone and some easily obtained personal information. You should never wait for her to come to you.

After I’ve found my “mark” in a bar, bowling alley, crab shack, ski lodge or VFW, I wait cunningly in a corner. I’ve started wearing large hats to hide my face, because the new Kansas smoking laws have made it difficult to keep my physical form hidden in an odorous haze.

Observing my “target” from afar, I begin texting. I start with an “I see you, [name]” to get the sparks flying. If she doesn’t answer in 14 seconds, I text, for example, “Turn 40 degrees to your right, [name].” I become increasingly relentless, making it obvious early that I will not back down. If I have no response in five seconds, I follow with, “Why won’t you look at me, [name]?”

When, inevitably, the texting doesn’t work, I approach my “victim” armed with a low-grade tranquilizer used primarily for subduing wolverines – oh, I seem to have reached my word limit. I suppose you can fill in the blanks from there.

What Is Love?