The Church of DX and latter day Cougars

I decided it was time to once again start up a little church service here again. My church has went through a name change since the last time I performed a service amongst yall.
I want to start out and welcome all of you to the Church of DX and latter day Cougars. We are so happy to be in the presence among all these cougars tonight. Lets start out by singing a few hymns. Tonights featured hymns are a compliation of some Journey songs and a hymn made famous by Michael Jackson, I hope you really enjoy. We will sing Don't Stop Believing, Open Arms and Beat It by Michael Jackson. Yes church sing it sing it let your voices be heard hallelujah praise be to the almighty cougars. O..O...O......OOOOOO..OOOOO that's it, ok were done now. I would like to take this time and have special prayer for our beloved sister Mary Clarence. She suffered a very horrific injury this past week. Sister Mary was giving her kitty cat a bath when the cat got pissed and scratch the hell out of her own kitty cat. Sister Mary received number lesions on her cat that became infected. We need to pray that the infection goes away.
Right now I would like our ushers to come forward for our sacrifices and offerings. As you all know we are only $2000 short of purchasing those new vibrating pews for our auditorium. We appreciate all your giving.
Tonight I would like to speak on the big "O". Now i know some of you are like brother DX that sounds dirty and all i have to say is I'm talking about the big month of October. As many of you know that our church celebrates National Cougar Month in October. This is a time for us to reflect on our past and present relationships and ponder their meaning. October is a special month were we go out amongst other saint and preach the gospel of the almighty cougars. If any of those cougars don't want to hear it you just sit them down and tell those little cunts that they are going to listen to the word of DX or else they will be damned to eternal damnation with SAC. I also have a challenge for all the ladies out there, October is also National put away those double dildo dongers. Ladies your men don't want to see those things, your suppose to be pleasing your man and not letting some piece of plastic or rubber or whatever the fuck else their made of to do the pleasing for you. As all of you know the end of October the heathens celebrate Halloween. Here's something you need to do this halloween season, refuse to celebrate and not purchase anything and leave your damn porch light off. We don't want little heathens running around dressing up like High School Musical or Hannah fucking slut Montana and her jackass of a father. I know some of you might be disappointed in my message today so for those of you who were expecting something else here it is. When you get out of church today go home and all of you practice on your "O" faces and then come to church next week and demonstrate for everyone.
To conclude this service today we have that little fairy Adam Lambert from American Idol to sing his version of Ring of Fire...take it away Adam you fruity son of a bitch!!!
That was interesting Adam. Ok congregation you all have a good week and go out and pollinate the world and spread the word of DX.

DX blesses ya!!!
DX

AMEN

Wonder how hard it'd be to make a Halloween display of Hannah Montana being decapitated by a werewolf?