Share your Irish jokes

(relatives excluded)


Irish Jokes

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

And then there was the Irish baker how sued the local baker for forging his signature on a hot cross bun.

“Sean”, said Mick, “did you know we only use one third of our brains?” “No,” said Sean. “What happens to the other third?”

“Paddy, Oi missed the soccer. What was the score?” “Shure ‘twas a great game they played Mick,” said Paddy. “The score was nil all.” “And what was it at half time?” “Oi don’t know Mick. Oi was only there for the second half.”

Flanigan: ‘My mother-in-law has just eloped with my best friend.’
Lanigan: ;What was his name?’
Flanigan: ;I don’t know. I’ve never met the fellow.’

Paddy: “Did yez mark the place where the fishing was good?”
Mick: “Yes, Oi put an ‘x’ on the side of the boat.”
Paddy: “Shure! What if we should take the wrong boat next time?”

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Irish Joke...". The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Irish, both bouncers are Irish and so are most of my customers"
"Okay" says the customer,"I'll tell it very slowly."

Q: What's an Irish seven course dinner?

A: A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness.

As for being a proud Irish woman, I am deeply offended by this thread.

I'm not offended,they're just jokes.

So that makes it ok to single out and ridicule a whole group of people? Does this only apply to the Irish, or does it apply to all?

I'm a Vulgar Chermin, I love Vulgar Chermin jokes. If you can't laugh at yourself then you sadly have no sense of humor.

mommaof2 wrote:

So that makes it ok to single out and ridicule a whole group of people? Does this only apply to the Irish, or does it apply to all?

See, this is partly what's wrong with people in today's "polite society"... they're too sensitive. Too bad. I'd hate to go through life being so serious about everything, taking offense to things said in jest.


I've got Irish in me somewhere down the line... joke away!

Heck, they sound like blond jokes to me.

suzyr wrote:

I've got Irish in me somewhere down the line... joke away!

An old Woody Allen joke:

Allen: "Are you Jewish?"
Woman: "No."
Allen: "Would you like a little Jew in you?"

The Other One wrote:

Woody Allen

He's a disgusting little weasel!

suzyr wrote:

mommaof2 wrote:

So that makes it ok to single out and ridicule a whole group of people? Does this only apply to the Irish, or does it apply to all?

See, this is partly what's wrong with people in today's "polite society"... they're too sensitive. Too bad. I'd hate to go through life being so serious about everything, taking offense to things said in jest.


I've got Irish in me somewhere down the line... joke away!

Agreed suzy. There's some Irish on mom's side. Dad's family was all German. I'm an old Hustler cartoon fan. My humor knows no limits. Have fun.

Ratzilla wrote:

There's some Irish on mom's side. Dad's family was all German.

My family is the exact opposite.

Hustler cartoons, huh? Been many moons since I've seen any of those.

suzyr wrote:

Been many moons since I've seen any of those.

$#!+

Dad's family came from just north of Berlin. Some of mom's side were Scots, Irish, and plain olde Limey Brits supposedly here already during Colonial times. I have forgiven her for contaminating me with Limey.

Careful reading this one if easily offended, this one might get on the delete list.

What do you call a little black guy dressed in green with a pot of gold?

A Leprecoon.

A database of slurs here -----> http://www.rsdb.org/search?sort=slur&q=irish

mommaof2 wrote:

So that makes it ok to single out and ridicule a whole group of people? Does this only apply to the Irish, or does it apply to all?

If it's ok to tell fat jokes then everyone else is fair game.....

<------ oops, my avatar probably offends sheep...........

oh, and by the way, I am one of dem dere fat rooshin-chermins, na sure...

LukeTHr wrote:

mommaof2 wrote:

So that makes it ok to single out and ridicule a whole group of people? Does this only apply to the Irish, or does it apply to all?

If it's ok to tell fat jokes then everyone else is fair game.....

I am sure that the "Tar Baby" group will also comply to the racist bunch on here. And some of the language used in some of these threads is horrendous! I am surprised I can access this site here at work.

Why do jokes offend you? I have Irish in me, I find no offense. I am predominately one of dem dere Chermins, but I take no offense at Chermin jokes. I find it far more offensive that I'm expected to be a perfect angel while every other race (and women) can ridicule me at will with no threat of legal action.

Have you ever had a coffee cup that said "What does the work of ten men? A woman." or anything like that? I see those witty little comments on calendars, cups, t-shirts, etc., all the time, but boy let me make an anti-female comment and heads will roll. Why can't we all have a sense of humor?