baked beans

One day I met a
sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would
marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months
later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by
a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could
stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I
knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way
home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my
husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a
surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my
chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to
remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to
touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The
baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the
air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped
off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my
ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like
this for another few minutes.

The
pleasure was indescribable.





When
eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly
fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded
my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My
face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the
blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:




"Happy
Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!