Are you Pro or Anti American?

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE PRO-AMERICA OR ANTI-AMERICA
*inspired by the daily show

Have you heard Sarah Palin talk about how she loves to visit little pockets of Pro-America? Have you wondered if you were pro-America or anti-America? As John Stewart said, it can get confusing- What if you're a farmer, but live in Massachusetts? What if you live in NYC, but still dislike Muslims? Well, I'm here to help. Simply give yourself points and take away points based on the conditions in each category below. If at the end of the test, you have a negative score, you are anti-America. If you have a positive score, go buy yourself a gun and some apple pie- you're pro-America!



WHERE YOU LIVE
+1 if you live in a town of less than 30,000 people
+2 if you live in a town of less than 10,000 people
+3 if you need to walk a quarter mile or more to get to your next door neighbor's house
+4 if the largest general store in your town is owned by an old married couple

-1 if more than two openly gay people live in your town
-2 if a gay couple lives in your town
-3 if there are any openly gay public officials in your town
-4 if there is a planned parenthood or an abortion clinic in your town

+3 bonus if you live in a state that has passed a Defense of Marriage Act
(but -1 if you voted against it)

-3 deduction if you live in a state where gay marriage is legal
(but only -2 if you voted for it)

EDUCATION
+3 if you went to trade school
+2 if you didn't go to college or trade school
+1 if you went to a community college or small public college or if you went to a religious private school

-1 if you went to a private, secular college, but majored in engineering, architecture, education or management
-2 if you went to such a school and majored in something else
-3 if you went to Grad school for anything
DISQUALIFIED if you have a PhD

SEX
+3 if you're a virgin (by choice, not because you can't get laid)
+2 if you're a virgin but do not plan on waiting until marriage
+1 if you think porn is immoral
+1 if you don't like gay people

-1 if you have two or more gay friends
-1 if you've ever purchased a condom or birth control pills
-2 if you know what BDSM is
-3 if you've tried it
-4 if you liked it
DISQUALIFIED if you are gay

JOBS/ECONOMIC ISSUES
+1 if you own a cowboy hat or a flannel shirt and wear them out
+1 if you know a construction worker, teacher, farmer, factory worker, tradesman or trucker
+2 if you are one of those things
+2 if you own a pickup truck
+3 if you actually use it to carry things that could not easily be carried in a small sedan

-1 if you buy vegan or organic
-1 if you own a hybrid car
-2 if you refuse to shop at Wal-mart
-2 if you're a college professor, lawyer, reporter, author, TV star or musician (except country)
-3 if you own a hookah

MISCELLANEOUS PERSONAL ISSUES
+1 if you think the FCC should have more power to censor TV shows and music
+1 if you're Christian
+2 if you consider yourself a devout Christian
+2 if you own a gun
+2 if you have a Southern accent
+3 if you believe in abstinence


-1 if you like the First Amendment
-1 if you practice a religion besides Christianity (only -1/2 if you're Jewish; DISQUALIFIED if Muslim)
-2 if you think pot should be legal
-2 if you think believe in comprehensive sex education
-2 if you think Europe is good at anything
-3 if you're agnostic
-3 if you're morally opposed to SUVs

bonus +5 if you have "Proud to be an American" on your iPod or on a CD

Source: http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/6895277.html

I get about a 12.........

I plus two @ +2 if you have a Southern accent 'cause Im counting my drawl.

It was eazy for me to keep track, I got a shortcut to windows calculator in my quick launch bar.

-6! Whooo hooo!

I was getting worried when I got to the questions about tradesmen, pickups, guns, and southern accents... gained A LOT of points there. But the last section really brought out my anti-amerikan side.

Mike, if you're from Kansas... then your accent ain't southern.

+1 if you're Christian

-1 if you practice a religion besides Christianity


I included both of these, lol

Talk about biased and intolerant garbage, I wonder if they could be slightly homophobic?.

Bighead wrote:

Mike, if you're from Kansas... then your accent ain't southern.

Aint no yank, thats for sure.

slider wrote:

Talk about biased and intolerant garbage, I wonder if they could be slightly homophobic?.

Fuckin' Christ... it's satire.

mikecc wrote:

Bighead wrote:

Mike, if you're from Kansas... then your accent ain't southern.

Aint no yank, thats for sure.

Historically, there's no reason to assume that a Kansan would be. I'm just sayin' that I know about Southern Accents. And ya'll people from NW Kansas don't have one.

The whole yank/reb thing is quite a bit messier than the state lines that most people assume. Even though rebel flags are popular among the mouth-breathers I grew up with in Southern Appalachia... East Tennessee was largely sympathetic to the Union, and damn near seceded from the state of Tennessee over the whole thing.

In my experience, there's a strong correlation between self-identification as a "rebel" and any number of white-trash indicators such as prison time, residence in a trailer, illiteracy, missing teeth, etc.

Though I have met two or three of those criteria in the past.

Bighead wrote:

slider wrote:

Talk about biased and intolerant garbage, I wonder if they could be slightly homophobic?.

Fuckin' Christ... it's satire.

I think someone forgot to read the first part where it said "inspired by the Daily Show"...... unless.... somone actually believes that Stephen Colbert is a diehard conservative republican??? I've heard of people that do... they just don't get the whole satire/parody genre.

Edit: Yes, I know Colbert has his own show... just hypothesizing that anyone who might be gullible enough to believe this wasn't in jest might also be gullible enough to believe The Colbert Report is a serious journalistic opinion show.

Bighead wrote:

slider wrote:

Talk about biased and intolerant garbage, I wonder if they could be slightly homophobic?.

Fuckin' Christ... it's satire.

mikecc wrote:

Bighead wrote:

Mike, if you're from Kansas... then your accent ain't southern.

Aint no yank, thats for sure.

Historically, there's no reason to assume that a Kansan would be. I'm just sayin' that I know about Southern Accents. And ya'll people from NW Kansas don't have one.

The whole yank/reb thing is quite a bit messier than the state lines that most people assume. Even though rebel flags are popular among the mouth-breathers I grew up with in Southern Appalachia... East Tennessee was largely sympathetic to the Union, and damn near seceded from the state of Tennessee over the whole thing.

In my experience, there's a strong correlation between self-identification as a "rebel" and any number of white-trash indicators such as prison time, residence in a trailer, illiteracy, missing teeth, etc.

Though I have met two or three of those criteria in the past.

3 out of 4 aint bad...

Not sure if I qualify for two or three.

At different points in my life, I've met the criteria for varying combinations of two outta four... but never for three simultaneously.

Currently only meet one.

I meet none. what does that mean?

means you got a purty mouth.

My score was a 0.

I lost 10 points just on the last part. But I own lots of guns and I think the nation was better off when there was a man of the house who kicked juniors ass royal if he got out of line so I ought to get a 20 point bonus.

Bighead wrote:

means you got a purty mouth.

Sqeal like a pig, Bignose!

Louder, city boy!

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome Barak Obama is.

What's sad is that if the messiah is elected, France will have a more pro-American president than we do.

My Supreme Commandress took the test. Got a -18.

Her only + points were that she knows a tradesman (in the biblical sense) and owns several guns.